The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
