I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
