god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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