She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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