If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
