Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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