I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
And then he peed in my hair
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
