if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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