i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
