when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
