He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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