his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
