But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
why do cheetos always look like penises
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
