sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
