I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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