WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
