We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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