from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
