I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
