sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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