his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
wow bdsm is so cute
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize