You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
