Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
