Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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