Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
