Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
