Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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