OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
