Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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