for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
