just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
