You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
