Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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