After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize