I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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