he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
