the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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