It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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