i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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