Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How naked do you want me to be?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
