I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
