I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
