when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
