I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
