just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
