and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
