Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
