there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize