Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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