someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
