Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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