May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
