i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
