I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
please come you make the beer taste better
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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