If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
