I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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