Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
