Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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