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So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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