At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
