bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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