I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
