Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
