There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We need to rekindle our bromance
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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