Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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