is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
