get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
