I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
