hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
