There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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