Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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