Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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