Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
