If i come over, it means nothing
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i now understand why vodka
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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