So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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