Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
