I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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