I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
