so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
