Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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