This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
